The value of making time for what is important
Inner conflict and turmoil signal that something is off in our lives.
We use emotional intelligence to shine a light on what we value: what you are overlooking and ignoring is creating this inner conflict.
Use your self-awareness with these questions:
- What situation(s) give rise to these feelings?
- What needs or desires have you overlooked or ignored?
- Which values did you stomp over?
I’m assuming you’ve already clearly identified your values. Not my values. Not your parents’ or family’s values. Forget about your company’s values for a moment — and focus on your values.
- What do you say you value, and what do you feel you value?
- Do your emotions and feelings match what you think, do and say?
Inner conflict and turmoil will emerge when you are not aligned within.
If you have invested your time, money and energy in things you don’t consider necessary, life will feel off. Pay attention to the minor signs.
State management is about putting those emotions to work for you.
Now that you’ve noticed the discomfort, what will you do about it?
The emotions might range from anger and frustration to general sadness or depression. They can send you into a fight and flight state, or you might switch off and conserve your energy.
Either signal that you are unhappy with the status quo and need to change your focus and attention.
They say that an aeroplane is off course 96% of the time in the air. The way that it arrives at the destination is by the never-ending course corrections that happen in the cockpit.
What course corrections do you need to make in your life to realign with what is important to you?
Social awareness: you’ll notice when others have inner conflict
The more self-aware you are, the more socially aware you will become with others. When you regularly see signs of discomfort that you are out of alignment, you will quickly begin to see others’ pain signals.
Believe me: tread gently. You may feel inclined to pounce and point out the obvious but choose your words and moments wisely.
Learn the power of inquiry with open questions like: “what’s on your mind?”.
They may choose to brush it all off and make light of it. Respect their right to do so. (Unless you’re their life coach — in which case, they pay you to prod and shed light on that).
You might also be surprised by the depth of conversation that such a simple question can elicit, strengthening your relationship.
Relationship management: make time for the relationships you value
You spend a lot of time, money and energy on different relationships. Part of emotional intelligence is making conscious decisions to invest (or not) in relationships.
- Do your relationships and the people in your life (family, friends and work) uphold your values?
- Are you constantly making concessions that leave you feeling inauthentic?
- Can you have authentic conversations with the people in your life about the things that truly matter?
- Are you willing to listen to what they love and hold essential?
When you are in touch with your emotional state and what you value, your conversations will open up new possibilities.
Each conversation is an opportunity to build a deeper relationship that truly matters!