Authntic: how to be your glorious self, not a people pleaser

I always feel like I walk a thin line between being “nice” and being truly kind. Old me is a burnt-out people pleaser. To be authentic in relationships with people that used to know me before I started this journey is an ongoing lesson! See, with new acquaintances, it’s easier: they have no expectations of what I will be like or how I will express myself. But in older relationships, I still have to catch myself.

Be authentic!
Stop acting and pretending, stop fawning and being “nice and polite” in socially acceptable ways. …

Wisdom in Action

While it might seem obvious sometimes, there are many moments in life when we think we know how to tackle a situation, but there’s a sense within us holding us back. Perhaps we feel pressure to conform with the desires, but it doesn’t sit well within. Other times, we want something, but our gut kicks in to say “hold on” without clarifying clearly why we need to take a step back. Wisdom is more than just “thinking informing action” and “action informing thinking”.

Wise choices incorporate knowledge, experience, and understanding into thinking and action. There’s a sense of compassion and…

Professional and personal communication is one of my biggest challenges. As an INTJ, I can be brutally honest, speaking my mind without sensing the effect my words and tone have on others. I just blurt out what I want to communicate without considering whether it’s the right time or place to do so.

I’ve found I have better skills when I write it all out in an email or written correspondence. But this misses many nuances and can be misunderstood.

At the other end of the spectrum, I clam up when the emotional environment hits like a battering ram.


Most of us have emotional triggers that we aren’t aware of until we blow up or “lose it”. These learned responses helped us to survive unpleasant situations (often in our childhood). Unfortunately, those very habits (cues/triggers, course of action or response, and rewards) that allowed us to survive in childhood now sabotage or hamper our growth and relationships.

I’m not talking about PTSD triggers: those are at another level, where it’s not merely a habit. These triggers actually require deeper assistance, such as therapy.

These habitual responses are survival tactics, often learned in our childhood. I adeptly overlook and sidestep…

Living with Chronic Illness

I occasionally write about living with Coeliac Disease, SIBO, colitis, and related chronic conditions. I’m reminded that others also struggle, and that that I can support them sharing my challenges, and the resulting highs and lows.

So, this post is a little more personal, with details that go above and beyond what I might normally share. Warning: there will be talk about irregular bowel movements, bloating, discomfort and pain!

Living with chronic illness hasn’t stopped me believing that life can be awesome.

Obviously, it comes with ups and downs, good days and bad days.

Millions live with a myriad of…

Every time you sit down to eat, you have an opportunity to love and respect yourself. Do you have a great relationship with your body, or do you struggle with self-love and acceptance? What opportunities arise when you simply ditch the diet in favour of listening to what your body is communicating?

Could you learn to listen to all the inner wisdom that your body has to share? Listening to your gut provides an opportunity to show greater love and respect for yourself and others.

There is only one expert in your body. YOU.

Your doctor only knows what you…

I have just restarted Louise Hay’s book “ Mirror Work: 21 days to heal your life “ (June 2nd). Admittedly, on previous attempts, I never finish the 21 days. Just another step along the journey of inner work I’ve been doing in 2020.

What will be different this time?

The accountability of doing it with a group! At the moment, in my book club, we are reading “ You can heal your life” — Louise Hay, as well as Mark Wolynn’s “ It Didn’t Start with You”.

While 2018 and 2019 were all about growth and healing, it seems that…

“Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Helen Keller

Is our need to stay in the security of our comfort zone overrated? We know that change is constant and inevitable, yet most of us resist change. We even resist the change that is for our good.

When things are bad, we are quick to accept that things are continually changing and will get better. Nonetheless, when things are going well, we try to convince ourselves that things will stay as they are. Even so, change happens, whether we like it or not.

It can… — Matt Collamer

“It is easy enough to be friendly to one’s friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.”
Mahatma Gandhi

Valentine’s day is almost here, and I want to challenge you to love the people that trigger you and rub you the wrong way. The people that don’t fit your ideal image of what humanity looks like at its best. This might be:

  • troubled youth
  • the homeless vagabond
  • drug addicts
  • militant feminists / gays / Muslims / Christians
  • your parents, siblings or a co-worker


February — the month of love; it’s a month for practising compassion. Love isn’t just about romantic love, although that can be one part of it. It’s also not only family, friends, parents, children or other loved ones. We can practice love and compassion with strangers, with coworkers and even with people that we might dislike or disagree with.

For me, compassion allows my heart to lead, rather than the inner critic in my head. In part, it involves empathy; where I sense another person’s pain or suffering and am moved to alleviate it through kind actions. Compassion is proactive…

Beth Gray

blogger, coach, and international law consultant. Writing about faith, growth, transformation & change.

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